By Pastor Greg
Syndicated Columnist Dave Barry
once described the difference between Men and Women with a beautiful story
about Roger and Elaine. You can watch the video up top.
Relationships are hard. There’s no arguing with that. Men and Women not only look different but
also think, feel, and process information differently. This is because God created Men and Women to be
different. After God had created the Man, He created a Woman to be a
suitable helper, not merely be a second human being.
God created Men and Women as two
unique individuals on purpose. God
created the Man with unique character traits to
fulfill a particular purpose, and He
created the Woman with unique character traits to
achieve another purpose. When Men and Women realize this, the marriage
relationship works. When both the Man
and the Woman submit to their role ordained by God, relationships are in harmony
with God’s original plan.
We will look at that plan in a
few minutes, but first I want to remind you that not only has sin destroyed our
relationship with God, but it corrupted our relationships with one another as
well. A major part of that corruption is
a refusal to submit to the role God has ordained for both Men and Women. Both Men and Women have rejected the
responsibilities given them by God and instead have allowed them to be
redefined by sin. This is why the
Apostle Paul reminds Men and Women of their God-ordained
roles. In Ephesians 5, Paul tells us to; submit to one another out of reverence for
Christ. 22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to
the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is
the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As
the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in
everything. 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just
as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life
for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing
of God’s word.* 27 He did this to present her to himself as a
glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead,
she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way,
husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who
loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates
his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And
we are members of his body. 31 As the Scriptures say, “A man
leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united
into one.”* 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an
illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So
again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must
respect her husband (Ephesians 5:21-33).
Our fallen, sinful nature has caused humanity to
disregard the roles Paul mentions here
and instead tries to teach us how to be a Man and how to be a Woman according
to Sin’s corrupted view. Men either
dominate women or treat them disrespectfully.
Women treat men like little boys, but then, of course, most men still
act like little boys – taking instead of giving. Women nag and criticize, trying to fix their
man, as if he is too incompetent to do this on his own. Men treat women as some sort of possession or
a prize, not as one deserving honor. Men
disregard their responsibility in the home, forcing women to pick up the
slack. It is the man’s responsibility to
teach their children about spiritual matters and to nurture their children in
spiritual growth, not the woman. For
He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which He
commanded our fathers That they should teach them to their children, that the
generation to come might know, even the children yet to be born (Psalm 78:5-6a). Also,
by ignoring his responsibility to be the Spiritual Leader, Adam permitted Sin
to contaminate the entire world. [Did you ever notice
where Adam was when Eve was tempted? He
was right there with her - she took from
its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate
(Genesis 3:6). Adam stood by and let Eve
fight this battle with Satan. He didn’t
have the courage to do this himself.] Of course,
the woman overstepped her bounds, but a real man would have stepped in and
stood between Satan and his wife. The
result was a relationship defined by sin.
Man would “control” or “rule” Woman rather than love and comfort
her. Some Bible translations even say
that the Woman will now desire to control her husband, which creates tension in
any relationship between men and women. Wives become frustrated with their
husband, wishing he treated her with more dignity and respect. Round and round the battle wages on, with
neither side truly making any difference at all.
When men disregard the role God
ordained, they become confused, directionless, and troubled. When women ignore
their ordained role, they suffer and fight for equality and protection. Family life is harmed. Children are hurt. Why do these things happen? They happen because men and women are
building relationships upon a sinful and
selfish nature, not submitting to God’s ordained roles.
The alternative to a marriage
suffering from battle wounds is to become men and women submitted to God’s model of marriage. But see, as soon as I mention submission, you
draw a conclusion based upon a corrupt, sinful model of marriage. Submission does
not mean inferiority. In God’s model
of relationships, there are two equals with different functions. The wife, as the helper, has a nurturing role
of care and support. The husband, as the
head, has a leadership role of courage and responsibility. This is what a biblical model of marriage
looks like. The wife pours admiration,
support, companionship, and physical responsiveness into her husband. In response, he gives her honor and
praise. When the husband pours companionship, security, significance, and emotional
responsiveness into his wife, she responds with submission. This is God’s model for relationships with
members of the opposite sex.
Wives, if you want a husband who
gives you the attention you desire, the solution is not in nagging him to death,
but in submitting to God’s ordained role for a woman. If you want your husband to change, it begins
by first changing yourself. Stop being a
wife that tries to control her husband, but instead be a wife that honors and
loves her husband. Stop being critical
and instead be an encourager. Pray for
your husband. You will find that he will
change when he feels loved unconditionally by you.
Men, if you are tired of living an empty, frustrated life, submit to
God’s ordained role. Take responsibility
in your home. Men, you have been
ordained by God to reject passivity (or indifference), to accept
responsibility, to lead courageously, and labor for the things that actually matter. Why don’t you take the initiative for
once? Tell your wife and your family
that they matter by giving them the time and the attention they desire. Let them see godly faith living in you. Let your children hear you pray. While you stand idly by in Spiritual silence,
the Devil is luring you family away from God and away from you. Stop being so timid! Adam is blamed for allowing his wife to sin
(see Romans 5:12). Is it possible that
God will hold fathers and husbands accountable for being spiritual wimps? It would not surprise me if He did.
In God’s model of marriage, a person
receives back what they pour out. At
some point in a marriage, someone must
make a decision to stop living according to the sinful image of marriage the
world has portrayed. To keep a marriage
from spiraling downward, either the man or the woman must put an end to the
battle by submitting to God’s model. You
see, marriage is less about what we get out of the relationship and more about
what we pour into the relationship. In
selfishness, we enter a relationship for what it will do for us. However, in a life submitted to God’s model
of marriage, we look for someone who is willing to receive what we long to
give. This would explain why a
relationship built solely on sex is
doomed to failure – something we will discuss next week.
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