Trapped

Sitting at lunch the other day I noticed a small bird trapped in a huge convention center.  It would fly from one end of the food court, perch on a steel support beam for a moment, then fly back to the other side.  It did this over and over again.  It seemed distressed, and at first I wondered why.  I mean after all, this bird had more than enough room to fly.  The ceilings were three stories high!  Since I was eating at a food court, I suspected there were food scraps to eat.  I'm sure there were bugs.  In some areas of the convention center there were even trees.  All the comforts of home in a climate controlled environment absent of predators.

I expected the bird to be happy.  I expected the bird to look at its surroundings and be grateful for all that the Lord had provided (or at least someone had provided); grateful for the hedge of protection all around him.  But the bird kept flying to the window.  It kept trying to get out.  It knew that this is not where it belonged.

I understand how that bird feels.  This week I feel just as trapped.  I feel like I'm in a place I don't belong as well.

I spent the week attending my denominations annual business meeting.  And this year, like so many in the past, I felt out of place.  Oh sure, I was surrounded by Christians who talked about Jesus, sang to Jesus, and read prayers to Jesus, but that old feeling returned.  It does every year.  And I hate it.

At first I thought it was the structured, liturgical style of worship.  I grew up in a church that was structured and formal in its worship style.  And that church almost lost me.  So when I sit through a style of worship that takes me back to my yesterday, I cringe at the empty formality of responsive readings and unison prayers (and all God's people said . . .).  Anyway, this is what I thought was bothering me; this reminder of yesterday.  But then I saw the bird.

I think I feel trapped at these conferences because a business meeting is not where I belong.  I have been gifted and equipped for a different kind of ministry; a ministry where I am connecting people to Christ, not a ministry of policy and polity.  I am more energized witnessing in the cities rather than debating proceedures.

The ministry of administration is an essential part of the church.  I don't deny that.  But if you see me sitting in the convention center looking out the window, its because there is someone on my mind; someone who does not know the Lord.  And they just happen to be on the outside.  Where I want to be.