Faces in the Mind of Moses

I still see their faces, and I wonder if Moses did as well.

Every now and then I end up second guessing myself; doubting that I truly am serving and leading within the will of God.  As a pastor, I am called to shepherd a flock.  As a shepherd I care and watch over the people God has entrusted into my care.  But part of being a shepherd is not merely fending off the wolf or the lion who would destroy the sheep, but also leading the sheep.  And there are times when the sheep need to be led.  There are times when, for the health of the flock, we must move on.  But what breaks my heart, and I mean REALLY breaks my heart, is that some of the sheep refuse to move.  Some of the sheep would rather stay right where they are even though the rest of the flock is ready to move.  And as we move, I look at those who would not budge.  I see their faces.

I can't help but wonder if this happened to Moses as well.  How many times did the population of Israel dwindle because some simply refused to move on?  There was the incident with the quail (Numbers 11:34), Korah's rebellion (Numbers 16:32), those who died complaining that Moses and Aaron caused all those people to die (Numbers 16:49), the poisonous snakes (Numbers 21:6), and finally all the people who died in the wilderness simply because they lived in fear instead of faith.  So considering the number of people who died while under Moses' care, I wonder if he still saw their faces in his mind.

When a congregation of believers becomes inward focused; thinking and caring only for itself, it will not be long before that congregation withers and dies.  And these are not my words.  These are the words of countless consultants and church health experts.  These are the words of researchers who studied both churches that grow and churches that had died.  Thom Rainer, president of Church Central (www.ChurchCentral.com) presented a case study in his book Break Out Churches.  It is an eye-opening read.  Unless a church takes the Great Commission seriously (Matthew 28:19-20), that church will eventually close its doors.

Knowing this, at each church I have served I always kept the Great Commission at the forefront of what we do; continually asking "how does this program/ministry/event help us fulfill the Great Commission". I have always served with the unchurched in mind.  And I have always tried to get the believers within those congregations to develop an "other focused" mentality; thinking not of themselves, but of those around them, and those who do not know Christ as Lord.  Yet, in each congregation I have encountered people who refused to change.  To them, church was self-focused.  A church cared for itself and for the people already part of the group.  And because I was so evangelistic minded, there was constant tension between myself and these people.

I still see the anger and indignation is the faces of these people.  Some are still part of the church.  But others, frustrated at the way the church is changing, decided to leave.  I regret that.  My heart breaks because they left.  And I sometimes begin to doubt whether I am truly serving according to God's will.  I struggle with feelings of guilt; that perhaps I am too task oriented in my ministry style, and have run over people trying to reach the goal.  But I don't want to be like that.  I want to be the kind of man who cares deeply for each and every individual.

Yet, I also am aware of the task the Lord has placed upon my shoulders; to lead His church where He is calling.  He desires to manifest His glory through each congregation.  He desires to do great things through each body of believers.  And He has called me to lead them according to His will.  So that means sometimes I must direct the people to change.  Sometimes I have to redirect their eyes off of themselves and on to those who are dying, destined for hell.  Sometimes I have to keep these people marching toward the goal God has set before us.  And sometimes there will be people unwilling to be moved. Sometimes they move on to another congregation.  But I still see their faces.  I still miss having them here.

Recently, as I was struggling with these doubts, I was confronted by a church member for being too focused on the heart of a person rather than on established policy and procedure.  I can't tell you how much I appreciated this accusation.  It was a gentle reminder that perhaps I am not as bullish about things as I had thought.  I mean, if one group accuses me of being too task oriented and another accuses me of being too people oriented, then I must be somewhere in the middle. Considering that I still see the faces of those who left the flock while I have been ministering, perhaps I'm not as cold and heartless as I had feared.

Anyway, there are people in my mind today.  They are the people who have left.  And I grieve that they left the congregations I pastored because of my ministry style and passion.  But apparently this is all part of being a shepherd and a leader.  As he stood on Mount Nebo looking out over the Promised Land I imagine there were faces in the mind of Moses as well.